Sunshine.

May gave way to sunshine and suddenly the future appeared beautifully bright. The routine was broken with the ending of our first year at the private school. Mornings shifted from a hustle to get all shoes tied and lunches packed to a casual breakfast buffet and couch snuggle piles. Afternoons became the “get things done” zone and evenings traded homework lists for four square tournaments. Summer was officially here.

The overwhelming task of never-ending weeding and mulching was alleviated by a little preparation. The careful placement of grass seeding and methodical watering had the tiniest, bright green blades peeking up in even the most shady spots in the yard. Gutters, unfortunately involved a ladder that only the hubby was brave enough to climb. One by one the dams that the squirrels and birds had built were swept away with the force of the power washer. Each morning new perennials peeked through and we plotted out the plans to divide and multiply their bounty.

The yard was coming along nicely but it was the development in my heart that shined brighter. The first year had brought us so many firsts and drug me through the dirt kicking and screeming. I wasn’t going to exude peace and joy when I was under the cloud of pain and weakness. Once the fog of sugar left my body the glow was undenyable. Suddenly the hours that I had poured out in my prayer journal that seemed so insurmountable were nothing but mole hills. As I spent time painting the home and weeding the gardens I was able to sort through challenges and speak truth to each lie. Little by little gratitude snuck in and before I knew it the stack of Joy was waist deep. With just a little more time the feeling crept up to my head and I was able to go forth with excitement for the future.

Looking back the first year was comparable to the first year of each of my boys lives. Home ownership was like having a baby. Falling in love with it at first site I was suddenly overwhelmed by the chores that come along with the good. Weeding was comparable to diaper changing, washing dishes a never ending task like nursing sessions and running up and down several flights of steps much like chasing a toddler. Through all of that, those little “chores” helped me to fall madly in love. Investing time and energy had all been worth it. Those countless hours of effort traded off for comfort in the place that we called home. Emerging from the fog of new home ownership I had a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eye. It was a blessing and it was mine! And so the year of celebration began.

May was a marker in my life. The month that welcomed the one year anniversary in our home. The month that my body was finally operating as it should. The month that I felt peace in my heart. The month that I made a resolve to SMILE. Life was good, life was abundant, life was a blessing. Sure, rainy days came and went but they were just a day. A day that had a begining and an end. Whatever that day brought it was only temporary while it also was propelling me forward. The steps forward often felt like one step back but they were all adding another day to the past.

I began to start dreaming and asking God to help me make steps toward where He would want me. Much like Moses I had been wandering in the desert, a dry spell in my faith in myself. While I was able to cling deeply to my faith in God, I was struggling to have faith that he promised me blessings in exchange for my obedience. I could sing along to many a song proclaiming this truth, I could read many a chapter in the Bible reminding me of God’s goodness but I had failed to see how this pertained to myself. Once the sun was shining brightly and I slipped on my rose-colored glasses my perspective shifted. Having faith meant that I understood that I would not reach a single milestone or success without God having already knew.

Grabbing ahold of the faith I had deep inside, I began to alter my attitude. Instead of focusing on shortcomings and disappointments I clung to the faithfulness and goodness of my Creator. I placed a smile on my face and things became intentional. I was now intentional of every word I spoke, every thought that went through my mind and where I would let it rest. Every action I took, every piece of food that went into my body was meant to serve a need. Everything became “on purpose” in my life. And I also let go of trying hard. Having purpose, I found, didn’t mean exherting all the strength, it meant understanding where me strengths already were! 

This was only the start.